Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
