You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
