I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
A bitchslap is in order.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
