I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
