Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
