So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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