The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
