Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
