Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
