lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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