Do you still have your period?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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