i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
