I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
