I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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