A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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