I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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