flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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