Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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