I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
