First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
