so let's talk penis.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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