Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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