I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?