Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
