If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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