I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
