Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
