my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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