cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
