i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
