i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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