My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
