you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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