We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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