I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
