If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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