I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you inspire me to be a worse person
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
