I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Pooping to opera.
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