i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
