It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
