Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
