sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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