Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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