1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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