it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
