i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
