one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
