in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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