hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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