So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
