the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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