Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sext me about skeletons
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
