you have to choose: penises or morals?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
