You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize