so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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