She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
