Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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