the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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