I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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