Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
