I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
