these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
