You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
