She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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