i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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