i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
