I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
