Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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