A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
