i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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