Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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