Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
